ROLL CALL!

Let me introduce a few of our current cast of characters in this hot mess of a soap opera:



Anthony Jeremiah Delton, hot piece of ass, unlucky in love (and sex!) and Delton heir extraordinaire!

Was dumped by this girl:



Jacqueline "MY PUSSY IS CONFUSED" Reinard

Was cheated on by this girl:



Belle Marie "SPESHUL SLUT SNOWFLAKE" Weiss

Was fooled, chased and practically raped by this girl:



Claudia "I AM WHORE HEAR ME ROAR" Weiss

Is crushing hard after this girl:



Elizabeth "VIRGIN MARY AT 20 SOMETHING" Stokes

Y U NO DATE BLONDES ANTHONY? They might actually correspond your feelings OR perhaps not leave you for a certain JACK OF ALL TRADES.