Madeline St. Martin and Elena Rizek Tie the Knot!

It's a done deal!

Mc*Donald's Employee of the Month Madeline St. Martin and Head Bitch In Charge Elena Rizek got married in NYC this afternoon!

Reporters were not allowed inside City Hall to immortalize their "I do's" but they were able to capture great individual shots of the happy couple before they sealed the deal on being lipstick lesbians.

No word yet on where the honeymoon will take place.

While some might question the veracity of this marriage and even perhaps try to sabotage it (we see you LeoNERDo!), this rainbow marriage is just too fierce to be messed with!

Could this be our new power couple?

We can only hope!

Just remember ladies!

Elena Rizek is Getting Married!

Rumors are swirling that caramel princess Elena Rizek has purchased a marriage license. Not only that, she has also set up an appointment in City Hall for tomorrow in the afternoon! 

Only very close friends have been informed to show up for an undisclosed 'something'. Close friends that somehow include former Shamu understudy Marie Bellay.

Say what?

Guess we missed the memo when these two buried the hatchet.

Question in our minds is… who is the guy that Elena is marrying? 

After all, former would-be duchess is not actively seeing anyone. Could it be that she’s succumbed to desperation and is going to tie the knot with fuck buddy LeoNERDo Delton? It can’t be that she’s rekindled the flame with the prince of our hearts, Giovanni Milazzo. He’s currently busy giving that poor woman a chance.

No wonder we couldn’t find anything on the secret man because it turns out... she’s marrying a woman!

We didn't even know she was bi!

Longtime friend and professional burger flipper, Madeline St. Martin is the lucky bride!

We are totally down with this rainbow!

Giovanni Milazzo and Caroline Richardson are Dating!

We never thought we would be alive to report such a miracle!

Caroline Richardson’s yearly animal sacrifices have paid off because princely Giovanni Milazzo has decided to give her the time of day!

After all those long nights taking care of her BFF's broken heart, it is finally her turn to keep his bed warm!

Sources confirm that the couple have been on various dinner outings but everyone shrugged it off as two people enjoying their friend zone.

Not anymore!

He was seen arriving at Caroline's swanky NYC apartment complex this weekend at 2:30 in the morning and then leaving an hour later. Doesn't sound like a friendly encounter went on!

No wonder she had absolutely no problem seeing her ex-husband go!

Apparently, the dating aspect is brand new. However, we know Caroline has been doing her best to keep him (keyword: KEEP) happy by even changing up her hairstyle. She knows he loves them long haired ladies and ta-da, she got herself hair extensions.

Now that's commitment!

We got to give it to Caroline. We would've done the same (and much more!) to get him!

Spotted!

Spotted!: Ethan Stokes looking quite refreshed while doing the walk of shame as he exits Natasha Beichler’s apartment in NYC at the wee hours of this morning.

Could Mr. Australia be on the rebound road with a former failed flame of Nathaniel Percy? 

Or did Nathaniel procure this fledging romance himself to make sure he can keep his new fuck buddy without his friend's unresolved feelings getting in the way?

You know the old saying, one woman’s trash is another woman’s good fuck!

Lucille's Plan to Steal Caroline's Life is Almost Complete!

We can almost hear the checklist clicking off in her head!

Steal Husband ✓

Steal Friends ✓

Steal Life [PENDING]

After their dubiously romantic hook up, Lucille "Other Woman™" Stokes Delton and Nathaniel "No-longer-a-Pothead" Percy are trying to keep a low profile as to not bring attention to their love affair.

You know, besides the fact that they hooked up while a building burned to the ground.

TOTES SUBTLE!

On Saturday night, mental institution escapee Lucille followed Veronique "Sober-for-the-next-five-seconds" Reinard and Penelope Natalia de la Rosa Santa de Castilla Vidal Solís to Minetta Tavern. Ca$holine's friends had no choice but to indulge her in conversation.

Sources say they kept the cocktails coming and soon reached the subject of relationships, which made Lucille visibly recoil.

Rumors have been flying that Nathaniel is unhappy with their arrangement because it isn’t an actual relationship! Some could say that Lousy is not in the mood to be in a relationship just yet.

We can't blame her.

We wouldn't be in the mood for a relationship just yet considering neither her or Crocodile Dundee Ethan Stokes have actually filed for divorce!

But, that's totally ok, right?

What can we say? Emotionally & literally unavailable women are totally Nathaniel's type!

Caroline Richardson and Nathaniel Percy are OVER!

Caroline Richardson and Nathaniel Percy purchased their one-way ticket to divorceville!

It sure didn’t take long for the most unsurprising divorce this year to take flight but it sure is surprising to see WHO filed!

Considering what happened only a few days ago, we were expecting Wrath of Kahn levels from karate champion Caroline "Money is my God" Richardson. 

Citing irreconcilable differences, Nathaniel sent us a copy of the divorce papers right after he filed them.

That’s right. Turns out Caroline didn’t file… Nathaniel did.

Say what? 

Wasn’t he the one technically heating a building up with Homewrecker Stokes Delton?

What made no sense to us is just how calm Ca$holine is about all this. It’s almost as if she doesn’t have a single fuck to give about this entire situation. Almost as if she already has somebody else lined up to take Nathaniel's place...

We wonder who could it be?

Lucille: Our Newest Homewrecker!

We admit it. We are a predisposed bunch!

There is just something about poor Lucy Looney Delton Stokes that just bores us to tears. Even when she is essentially serving us the beginning of the biggest scandal of 2015.

Seems like Looney Stokes, our resident psychopath, has decided she’s a new woman (yet again), is switching careers (yet again) and, without much fanfare or ceremony, switched out her old yummy Australian hubby Ethan Stokes for a supposed new lease on life!

As Ethan cries in his basement, we have to wonder what (or who) has brought on this rather violent change of heart.

Good thing we didn't have to wait very long!

While firefighters evacuated a burning building in the swanky SoHo district in NYC, they checked all the floors to see no one was left behind. Imagine their surprise at stumbling upon Nathaniel Percy and good ol' Looney playing hide the adulterous salami in his apartment!

Oh my~

The ink on her divorce papers isn't even dry yet!

Looks like Looney's new lease on life has a name!